Sometimes, if I'm honest, I get a little frustrated with where I'm at. Don't get me wrong, I've got it good. I've got an education (even if it's still in progress), I've got family, I've got friends, and I've got a roof over my head and food in the fridge (courtesy of the parents).
Some might even say I'm spoiled.
And you know, as much as I hate to admit, those people are probably right. These past few weeks I've felt like I'm stuck where I'm at. And it's frustrating. I feel like I should be moving exponentially, that everything I want should be coming right at me. That all my dreams should come true.
I know it sounds terrible--only because it is--but I feel like I'm overdue for something good in my life. And you know, if I'm really going to be honest, some of it has to do with my singleness. I know deep down I'm not ready for a relationship and that a relationship won't solve all my problems and desires, but there are just days when I really want to hold hands with someone. Exchange texts with someone. Sit across the table and talk with someone. You know what I mean, right?
The holiday season is especially tough. Even though I have one less present to buy, I also have one growing empty spot in my heart. It's hard. But like I said, it only gets worse if I think about it.
So, in the spirit of thankfulness, and after this sweet reminder, I'm turning to gratitude. I'm realizing that I'm not entitled to anything. I'm not even entitled to the grace and forgiveness that Jesus so graciously gives me. But I need it and I'm going to accept it. And I'm also learning that gratitude really and truly does turn what we have into enough.
So no, I don't deserve anything. I have enough. And I am enough.
And so are you.
Hey friend! (Is it weird I call you friend even if we've never met? Oh well.) Your heard and wisdom amaze me. I'm so glad that you are transparent and honest too. While I don't know what it's like to not have The Hubs in my life (we've been together since we were 18) I can offer some advice that may help. We've learned that when things look bleak or blah, those are the times that have offered the best times with God. And then after those times, something so amazing that we could have never imagined was given to us, and we have been able to see that it was totally under God's command. So it's given us some rest as we go through other things in life. Maybe writing some scripture on your bathroom mirror to remind you how much you are loved and adored?
ReplyDeleteHaha, no not at all! :) I do the same with all of my blog friends (you included, now!!) so it's not weird at all to me. It's actually really sweet of you to refer me as such. I sometimes feel like I'm the first to call a blogger a blog friend and it always seems weird saying it the first time. :)
DeleteBut I digress. Thank you so, so, so much for these words. Seriously. My words and heart amaze you? That is seriously mind blowing to me and is so humbling, too. Throughout all my singleness + faith + life posts, I've definitely become more and more transparent and there are times when I second-guess it all but then I usually let posts sit for a day or two (like this one!) and then I publish it if it still feels right, you know?
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your advice a lot. I completely agree with all that you said. Times of bleak or blah are definitely moments when I find myself clinging to Him. They're also the times when I find myself renewing myself to God and realizing how much I really do need Him. :)
This is beautiful. I LOVE that you emphasized that a relationship just won't satisfy all of your desires. Even when you're in a relationship, it's just not fair to put that kind of pressure on whoever you're with- because God is the only one who will satisfy you completely. When you take the pressure off of a relationship being the thing that satisfies, you can start being whole and enough right now, relationship or not. Great wisdom!!
ReplyDeleteLauren @ How Beautiful Are The Feet
Hey Lauren! First of all, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Getting the email notification of your comment seriously brightened my day. You said it, we cannot depend on others for our happiness or satisfaction (no matter the type of relationship!) because only God can satisfy. And like you pointed out, only God can satisfy us COMPLETELY. It's so hard for me to remember that sometimes! :)
DeleteAnd you also nailed it when you said that we need to take the pressure off of our relationships with others as well. Because wen we do that, we not only enjoy it but we also can be ourselves and stop worrying about it all, too!
p.s. I think you might be a no-reply commenter, friend!! :)
DeleteKiki. We don't deserve anything and yet we have been showered in Grace! This life you live is not your own - it has been bought with a price! Rejoice in the plan the Lord has for you that is for good. for good Kiki! We can only see a little bit, He can see it all. trust that. trust that you are in His plan. and trust that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart. trusting with you Sister.
ReplyDeleteOh, Elizabeth. Your words of wisdom and encouragement mean so very much to me. Seriously. :)
DeleteThis life of mine is definitely not my own. I don't deserve anything. I have been showered by grace. And His plans for me are good, even if they may not seem like it in the present moment (that's what being grateful is for, though, right?). Anyway, thank you dear friend for reminding me of these truths--much needed truths. So honored to be able to trust with you, girl! :)
I have been in the place before. Elizabeth's words are so wise! Trust in his plan. Yes, we ARE enough. I love your heart to be thankful through your struggles.
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl. :) It's so hard to be grateful during the tough times, but like you said we need to trust in Him, trust in His plans, and realize that we are enough. We have enough and we are enough. Thank you for the encouragement!
DeleteThis truly resonated with how I've been feeling lately. It's hard when we just want something more, the truth is, i am ready for that, i'm 24 and a lot of my close friends are married.
ReplyDeleteBut you are right, we do have to trust in his plans. cause let's face it, his plans are always so much better than our own. Trusting in him in the waiting, in this season of life.
ps. your heart amazes me! it makes me want to just sit and drink coffee with you and share our hearts with each other.
DeleteYou said it friend, you said it. It's definitely hard when we want something so bad and yet we don't have it. It's tough especially since because I want to have a family so badly, not having a boyfriend (which I see as one of the "first steps" to having a family) can be really disappointing/frustrating sometimes. But like you said, we HAVE to trust in His plans and give our plans over to Him because His are always going to be better than ours.
DeleteAnd thanks girl! Having a coffee date with you sounds lovely to me!! :)
So true. I've definitely been at that place where I thought something was going to turn into dating and then it didn't- it hurt, i was lead on..etc.
DeleteAnd giving those plans to him is so hard, but once we do, then we are content, then everything starts to fall into place in his time or "in it's time" hence the title of your blog :)
okay sounds good! Let's plan on that :)
Aw, bummer. I hate it when that happens! It's really disappointing when our hearts are lead on only for us to be disappointed in the end. I guess it's just another reason why we need to depend on Him for love, right? :)
DeleteAnd yes. That is exactly why I named my blog In Its Time. Because everything happens in its time (or His time). Not ours.
so true. he loves us more than we can even imagine :)
Delete<3 Your honesty is so refreshing, dear girl. Know you (and your future hubby) are both in my prayers. I truly hope God brings the two of you together soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks, friend! For the sweet words, for the prayers, and for being a constant source of encouragement. Always know that I'll pray for you, too! :)
DeleteHey Kiki,
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog and am so grateful to have found it. I feel the same way as you do. And it is so, so hard to trust God on this. And yes, what many people don't seem to understand is that I'm not sad or unhappy because I am single. I am happy and very grateful for every single thing God has given me. But there is something inside of me that does not feel complete. I don't know if you feel the same way?
On the other hand, it is so difficult to be wanting a SERIOUS relationship in our society. Often, I'm asked: "What, you never had a boyfriend?!". People are shocked. But I don't want to have relationship just because I want one. I want a relationship when it is right (In Its Time ;)) and not because I have the opportunity! Thanks for sharing! And even though we both (?) probably wish, God would hurry up on this, know that I'm waiting with you. :)
Hi Josie!
DeleteFirst of all, welcome to the blog! I'm so glad you found it and I look forward to getting to know you better. Do you have a blog of your own I can visit and check out?
Secondly, I see myself so much in all that you said. I think a lot of people view being single as something bad which makes it hard for us to accept as something good. We see relationships as being the fix to everything and so easily forget how much work goes into relationships, too.
But I also know what you mean about not feeling complete. Even though I do have God in my life, I also have this feeling deep down inside of me that feels like a marriage is something that God has created me for. Not just people in general, but me. But I also know that He has plans for me that aren't always like mine (including the timing as my blog name refers!), so it's kind of a tug-of-war of sorts to keep myself trusting Him all the time.
So glad to trust in Him alongside you, girl! :)
p.s. I think you might be a no-reply commenter, in case you didn't know. :)
DeleteI loved this post! Thanks for sharing and being honest :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl! Thank you for those sweet words and for reminding me that honesty is good. :)
Deletep.s. I think you might be a no-reply commenter, in case you didn't know. :)
Delete"I have enough - I am enough" ...girl yes.
ReplyDeleteman I needed to be reminded of that.
we can get so...entitled here and there - and while it is perfectly fine for our hearts to have desires, we can't let it overwhelm us.
<3 ::hugs:: you're not alone in this struggle...
Hugs right back at you. :) It's so hard for me to remind myself of my value and that I don't need anyone/anything besides Jesus to complete me.
DeleteAnd I completely agree with you on desires. It's so easy to let our desires and dreams turn into obsessions/idols/greed/disappointment/sin. But like you said, we just can't let it overwhelm us.
This was beautiful. Love your honesty.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Alexis! It means so much to me that you're reading this blog and can relate to what I've said and thought and experienced. :)
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