advice for me then and now.

Dear fifteen year old self,

Right now you're probably wondering when life will be easier. When boys will be both cuter + politer. When the cliques will vanish. And when the course load will be lighter.

Hopefully all these things come true someday.

As for now, I want to tell you that you should stop worrying so much. Stop waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror hoping to find a clear complexion. Stop signing up for things that you don't like and start signing up for things that you do like. Don't live life with regrets.

That high school child development class will change your life in a few short years. Senior year classes will be some of the best you've ever had. Two of your senior year teachers will encourage you and help you find your passions. Just you wait.

And don't worry about having a boyfriend. Freshmen boys are smelly and think that girls with short skirts are prettiest. That's not the kind of son you want, so that's not the kind of man you'll want to waste time dating and even think about marrying.

Instead, start falling in love with Christ. Don't go to church just because you feel obligated to, but go because you want to sing your heart out and dig deeper in your relationship with Him. After all, He's right there beside you. He's right there to catch you. And He's right there to lead you. He's waiting for you to call His name. Just do it. And the sooner, the better. It'll really change your life.

I know you're still thinking about boys. About how just a few years ago, you crushed on a certain boy and you thought he liked you simply because he annoyed you and borrowed your pencil during class everyday. He may have played that old "what's up...chicken butt" joke a million times too many, but really. He's not the boyfriend-type. Not the right one for you.

And it's okay if you don't go to school dances. Too much goes on there that you don't need to see.

It's also okay that you're an introvert. Make the most of it. Be proud of it. It's part of who you are, part of who He created you to be. There's nothing wrong with you just because speeches make your fingertips cold and making small talk isn't your specialty. There's nothing wrong with being quiet. People may give you a hard time about it, but there's nothing wrong with you. Don't try to be some you're not.

And in a few years, when you get a Facebook account, don't worry about the numbers. You want real friends, okay? Just because you don't have a thousand friends doesn't mean you don't have any friends at all.

You'll be surprised at how much you will have changed + stayed the same in a few years. You'll be in love with photography, less stressed, lighter (weight-wise), and dressing so much better (believe me on this one!). You'll also have this little blog here. It will change your life for the better. But don't worry, you'll still have bangs, be living at home, and in love with writing.

So write on. Don't lose that quality of yours.

And keep smiling, too. Grandma's right, your smile is one of your best qualities.

Love, your old college self.